Never Feeling Contented

I don’t know if this is a bad thing necessarily. Many people will remark that being content leads to being stagnent and and inability to grow overall. However with me I think that fact that I am never content has been my downfall. I say this specifically regarding my career choice (or lack thereof) and jobs I choose. 

My current position seemed fine although I knew I had no intention of staying there permenantly, I wasn’t in a hurry to exit. That was until about two weeks ago when I realized that if I wanted to do more than one class a semester I would need a more flexible schedule. This would mean potentially a part time job with the option to increase my hours as needed or maybe two part time jobs where I might work 6 days a week but have shorter shifts on some days. Something like that. An incident last week with a coworker has made me want to leave even more. I’ve applied to probably 5 jobs just this past week. Although one incident with a coworker shouldn’t make me want to take off, it did. It’s made me realize that I am not content. Maybe it is because this isn’t the career I want or am even remotely interested in pursuing. Maybe it’s because my goal right now is my degree and anything that stand in the way of that is something I do not want. Maybe it’s because I am directionless, like a broken compass, destined never to point north. Maybe I am super dramatic as the previous statement would show. Maybe it’s all of these things combined. Maybe I’ll never be truly happy with what I am doing.

I don’t think this is a good thing. I want to have a career, one that pays decently and doesn’t make me want to scream every few days. But I don’t want to settle. I don’t just want to stay somewhere for the security of it because, as we’ve seen, job security is not a guarantee. I keep looking at new jobs and looking at college programs to do either during or after my degree. I want to move on, but the last time I moved on I failed. I tried something and wasted money and hated it. I want to be content no matter what those life gurus have to say about that.

Sorry for this random, rambley post. I think it mostly makes sense!

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